i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
