You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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