Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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