he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Betty ford says i'm here all night
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
