last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
