if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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