And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
