Fine. I'll sleep in my office
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
