How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
