walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
