Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
