There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
