he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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