Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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