She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
