What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
