We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
