I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
