I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
