That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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