I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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