Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
