Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
