OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
