you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
