in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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