i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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