in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
