dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
