Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
