Me too!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
