Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
