soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
