He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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