His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
