He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
