There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
