The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Randomize
