I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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