I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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