So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
