I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
