My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
