my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
