Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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