he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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