Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i think i just lost a toe
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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