I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
