I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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