whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
