The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
